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Bridget

written by

Leukaemia Care, Charity

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I’m 76 years old and I was diagnosed with chronic lymphocytic leukaemia (CLL) in April 2009. I was placed on ‘watch and wait’, but didn’t receive any information or an explanation on what this meant. So, I sent off for a booklet from Leukaemia CARE to learn more.

I’ve got a husband who’s got Parkinson’s, I’m his full-time carer. I can now start treatment, but I feel well in myself at the moment and I feel as if the treatment, the side effects, they frighten me and I’m too scared to go on it.

I don’t want my husband to go into a home and he doesn’t want to go into a home. We’ve been married 56 years this year, and I want to look after him. I know people are saying you need to look after yourself as well, but it’s just how I feel.

The last time I went to the clinic, my consultant wasn’t very nice because I don’t want to go on the treatment; he more or less told me he wasn’t bothered whether I kept my next appointment or not. Two weeks before that, I had a slight stroke, and I didn’t want all this hassle with him because I wasn’t well as it was, and my husband wasn’t well. I feel as though I don’t want to go back and see him. I’ve always seen this haematologist and he can be nice one time and then the next time he’s very arrogant, and I just don’t want to take it off him anymore.

The haematology nurse won’t speak to me at the hospital in front of my family. My husband wants to know what the treatment is and what affect it will have on me, and so do my two boys, but the nurse will only speak over the phone.

So, I’m going to say something because I feel as though I don’t want to come back to the clinic or see this consultant any more. I was a carer for years before I retired and I never ever spoke to anybody the way he speaks to me.